We Pillage!
by Race for the clock tower
Summary: What really goes on when our favorite Vikings decided to Pillage there favorite Fast Food restaurant? Nothing good. One shot! Islief, Eirik, and Finnvid.


Eirik, Finnvid, Isleif.

"Erhhhh…What de hell?" The burley cab driver asked, looking small and timid in comparison to the three Vikings who had picked him up from his seat on a window ledge, where he was drinking his coffee and forcefully carried him over to his taxi. "Ah…so what do yee want?"

"To pillage!" Isleif roared causing a look of panic to wash over the man's face, causing him to began to struggling in Finnvids arms.

"No, I don't have much money on me! Take it!" he began trying to get into his pockets to empty them of any money he possessed.

"Huh?" Eirik turned his head to look at the man in confusion. "We do not wish to pillage you; there is nothing you have that would be to our benefit."

"Aye, we wish to have one of these 'Big Macs' you people speak of." Finnvid agreed, dropping the man outside the driver's door and petting him on his head. "You are to take us to the golden arches, where they keep the Big Macs." Without as so much as a blink, the driver jumped in the cab and started the engine. The three Vikings piled in after him, shoving each other to make room for their over-sized pillaging axes.

"I'm going to eat 50." Eirik bragged as the taxi speed around, making an illegal U-turn. "And wash them down with several delicious Mcflurries"

"Mmm, I heard they were good." Isleif agreed. "Perhaps we should bring back some of our pillage back to Goddess Fran, it would please her."

"Indeed, she will be very greatful that we-huf" Eirik was cut short by his seat belt suddenly digging into his cheast. He clenched his fists as he turned to the driver in anger, but his angry protest turned into utter excitement as he caught a glimse out the windshield. "Aye! Were at Mcdonalds already! Say, taxi slave, how much do we owe you?"

"Free ride, please, just get out of my Taxi!" He begged, reving the engine as the three vikings spilled out of the car. The second Islief closed the door behind him, they driver took off like a bat out of hell.

"Oh damn! My largest axe was still in there! How will I pillage?" Finnvid exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air.

"A good Viking can pillage with only his bare hands" Eirik rested his hands on Finnvids shoulder for half a second before turning and pointing to the McDonalds. "Alright men, are yee ready? Yes? Charrrrrrgeee!"

The Vikings burst through the door while shouting a horrible sounding battle cry, startling the girl at the counter, who was obviously bored with working the night shift. She looked the charging Vikings up a down then took a leap backwards knocking over a cup dispenser.

"Aye, a nice young mädchen is guarding the food? No big bearded man? Perhaps she is there to rut with after you've had your fill?" Eirik suggested, and his fellow Vikings agreed. Finnvids eyes fluttered as he took a deep whiff of the air, and he let out a vicious groan and rubbed his stomach. "Big Mac's" he mumbled under his breath then proceeded to a running leap and lunge over the counter. The girl behind the counter screamed, jumping out of the way of the air-borne Finnvid.

"Don't you dare hog all of it Finnvid!" Eirik and Islief followed him over the counter, which is when all hell broke loose. Over the next five minutes, the three Vikings had herded up all of the employees and tied them up with rags and other miscellaneous items they found. Islief had burned his hand by impatiently sticking it into a boiling fries, fryer. Finnvid, having had to settle with using only a small axe, slashed open a soda machine and held his head under the colorful flowing river of sugary drink and drank greedily. Eirik was busy stuffing as much food into an old potato sack as he could, while occasionally missing the sack, and shoving a sandwich or two into his mouth instead.

"Good Goddess!" He moaned "Heaven on a bun! If I could marry this, I would!" He gazed at the sandwich like he had fallen in love.

"Give me one!" Islief took a bite out of the burger in Eirik's hand. "Mmhmmm. Finnvid, put down the human, and come try this." Finnvid had untied a worker, and forced the small guy to fill many cups with ice cream.

"Yee, this is mighty good, almost better than—that reminds me, where is the after feast lassie?"

"She's gone to call the police, and it's too late you can't stop her!" cried the boy who was filling cups.

"Hell, Finnvid! Did you untie her? What tis wrong with yee!" Eirik roared, picking up the bulging food sack. A blue light flashed outside, raising panic in the pillagers.

"The jig is up boys! RUN!" On those words, the Vikings picked up as much food as they could, and bolted out the back door.

* * *

><p>"Good morning Goddess Fran, how did you sleep?" Fran walked over to the tent where the Vikings had been resting, and sat down with a large coffee and donut in hand, with a newspaper tucked under her arm.<p>

"Just wonderful." She took a bite of her donut, covering her lips with powdered sugar. "On the other hand" pausing to lick her lips, she tossed down the newspaper, so it lay flat on the table in front of the Vikings "this morning's headlines are not as wonderful."

The three glanced down at the big bolded black letters, that ready 'SKIRTED MEN-MUST HAVE BEEN HUNGRY' the words were proceeded by a long paragraph about the previous night.

The three just sat there staring, until Islief looked up at Fran with big puppy dog eyes "Goddess Fran? Are we in trouble?"

Fran put on the sweetest, most innocent, happy looking smile she could muster.

" You betcha."


End file.
